


the mechanics of love

by wafflesofdoom



Series: all the ways we could have loved [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 09:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9540836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: robert sugden is a writer who hasn’t written a single word in years, stuck working a crappy job at a local paper, wondering if he’ll ever find the inspiration he lost years ago - until he meets aaron, that is. aaron is a mechanic working at a local garage, and from the moment robert sets eyes on him, he wants him.he just doesn’t expect to find the rest of his life in the bright blue eyes and sarcastic smile of a generally grumpy mechanic.





	

**(a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step)**

Robert sat at his favourite window seat in his local cafe, his laptop open in front of him, a blank document ready to go. He had a fresh cup of coffee next to him, and he was ready to write.

Well, he should have been ready to write. He’d been sitting in the coffee shop for two hours and he hadn’t so much as written a _single_ word, not a _single_ bloody sentence. Robert had been desperately trying to make headway on the book he wanted to write for months now, and every time he got himself into the perfect setting for writing, his mind went blank.

It was the most infuriating feeling in the world. Robert had wanted to be a writer for as long as he could remember - how could he not, growing up with the great Jack Sugden as his father? One of the best writers of the twentieth century his obituary had described - a great loss to the world of British literature.

Robert wanted to be everything his father had been, but he was zero words into the masterpiece he’d been trying to write for years at this stage, and working a crappy job with a paper in Manchester, reporting on playground openings and rising parking fees in the city.

The life he’d always bloody dreamed of.

Robert sighed as his phone began to ring, looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”

_“Robert, you’ve got an interview scheduled at Smith Motors in fifteen minutes, I hope for your sake that you’re on your way there, seeing as you decided not to make an appearance at the office this morning.”_

“I’m already there.” Robert said. “Louise, you’ve got no faith in me.”

_“No, Robert, I don’t, because you’re completely focused on your book - or lack thereof - at the moment and your mind is certainly not on your job. The Gazette might not be where you want to spend the rest of your life, but it is my career, so get your shit together please.”_

“Of course Louise. I’ll write you a fantastic cover story on this garages local charity.”

Louise snorted in response. “ _It’ll be a cold day in hell when you get a cover story, Robert. Just, go and do the interview and pretend like you don’t hate your job_.”

“Love you too Louise."

_“Don’t make me check up on you again.”_

Robert rolled his eyes, stuffing his phone back in his pocket, packing his laptop up. He gave the barista one of his winning smiles as he left, calling a thank you out over the busy cafe.

He liked her. She made a decent cup of coffee, and was always happy to let him sit in the cafe for hours on end, no questions asked. 

Slinging his bag across his chest, Robert started to head down the street toward Smith Motors. It was his local garage, he’d sent his car in there a few times, but they were the big story of the week because of car they’d donated to a local family who had their car repossessed.

The Gazette was all for a bit of local charity and feel good news. It was hardly gritty journalism, but the paper kept a roof over Robert’s head and gave him time to pursue his book, so it wasn’t all bad.

It was a warm day out, and Robert was happy he’d laid off on his heavier jacket that morning. It was hard to tell when it came to the weather in Manchester most days, but he was grateful for the warm sun that afternoon, the gentle heat nice against his skin. It almost mad him sad, thinking about the colder November days that were to come. 

Stepping onto the forecourt, Robert spotted someone by one of the cars. He was new, Robert assumed, he’d never seen him before - he looked a bit younger than Robert, all dark hair and scruffy beard, his blue overalls tied at the waist. 

“Hiya.” Robert greeted. “I’m looking for Andrew Smith? I’m from the Manchester Gazette, we’ve got an interview scheduled.” 

“He’s gone out, said to ask if you mind waiting a bit.” The mechanic said. “Emergency call out, his daughters car broke down and he doesn’t trust anyone to go and get her sorted.”

Robert couldn’t help but smile. “Typical dad, eh? Yeah, I’m not rushing anywhere.”

The mechanic jerked his head toward the main office. “Can I get you a cuppa or summat?”

“A cuppa would be great.” Robert offered him a bright smile. “I’m Robert, by the way.”

“Aaron.” The mechanic responded, wiping his hands off his overalls, leading Robert to the main office. It was empty inside, a stack of paperwork on the desk, a little kitchen in the corner. 

Aaron flicked the switch on the kettle, gesturing at the table. “Make yourself at home.” 

Robert nodded, setting his bag down on the table. “You worked here long?”

“A couple of years.” Aaron said, getting two mugs out of the cupboard. “You take sugar?”

Robert shook his head. “Just milk, please.

“Boring.” Aaron grinned, dumping a couple of spoons of sugar into his own mug. “You writing the story on the car then?”

“Yeah, the Gazette is all for a bit of local charity.” Robert said. “It’s a good story. People like good news.”

“You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”

“I wasn’t dreaming of reporting on local news when I was at university.” Robert admitted, accepting the mug of tea with a grateful smile. “It pays the bills though, eh?”

“A jobs a job.” Aaron agreed. “This is better than most though. Andrew’s a good man to work for. Don’t put that in your article though eh, don’t need him thinking I’m soft or summat.”

Robert laughed. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Aaron grinned. “I better get back to work. Stay here as long as you like though, dunno how long he’ll be.”

Robert nodded, watching as Aaron headed for the door of the office. “Thanks, Aaron. For the tea.”

“Had to make a good impression on ya, seeing as you’re writing an article on the boss.” Aaron shrugged, a hint of a grin on his face. “Don’t go snooping though. I know what you journalists are like.”

Robert couldn’t help but laugh to himself as Aaron left, looking around the office. It was clear it was a family run business, pictures of kids adoring the walls around the desk, a few local business awards hanging proudly on the desk.

It vaguely reminded him of the garage in Emmerdale, the first real job he’d ever had, working there over the summer. Robert missed Emmerdale, sometimes, missed the quietness of the village, the serenity of it all.

And then he remembered why he’d chosen to go to university as far from Emmerdale as he could get, and why even Manchester felt too close to his childhood home sometimes, and all thoughts of missing Emmerdale and the village he’d grown up in were gone.

After a couple of minutes, Robert decided to head back out into the forecourt, out to Aaron. Robert had to admit he was intrigued by the mechanic - he was absolutely gorgeous, his hair deliciously dark and curly, his gel clearly not holding up under the afternoon sun. 

Robert knew what he liked, and he liked Aaron.

“Nice motor, that.” Robert commented, taking a sip of his tea as he watched Aaron work on the engine.

“Yeah, bloke that owns it has a couple of vintage cars, mad for them.” Aaron said, standing back from the car. “This one is my favourite though.”

“Aston Martin DBS, right?” Robert asked, admiring the sleek red body of the car.

“Yeah. DBS Vantage.” Aaron said, looking a bit impressed. “You a car man then?”  


“Used to be a mechanic actually.” Robert said. “Had it as a summer job for a few years before I moved away for university. I’d love to have the money to collect classic cars, y’know?”

“Whats your dream car then?”

“Aston Martin DB4 Zagato.” Robert said, without missing a beat. “It’s the most gorgeous car in the world, if you ask me. You?”

“Jaguar E-Type.” Aaron said. “Had a customer come in with the most beautiful green one once, spent three days trying to convince myself it was a good idea to steal it.”

Robert laughed, looking at Aaron as the mechanic spoke excitedly about the car, looking properly bright and enthusiastic for the first time since he’d gruffly greeted him in the forecourt. It was infectious, it made him want to spend the rest of the day talking to Aaron. “Yeah, thats a gorgeous car alright.”

“So how did a mechanic end up reporting on local news then?” Aaron inquired, taking a swig of his tea.

“Went and got myself a degree in journalism and then gave up on having any real ambitions in life.” Robert grinned. “And anyway, shouldn’t you be singing your bosses praises and getting yourself on the front page?”  


“I doubt Smithy is going to be front page news.” Aaron rolled his eyes. “But I’ll leave the enthusiasm about local business to him and stick to fixing cars, if you don’t mind.”

“Pity, you’d look good on the front cover of the Gazette. Aaron, the greatest mechanic in Manchester.”

Aaron snorted. “You’re a tosser.”

“I know what I like.” Robert replied, relishing in the light pink hue that appeared on Aaron’s face as he spoke, the other man reacting to his words. 

“I better get back to looking at this engine.” Aaron said, looking at his watch free wrist. “Don’t want to get stuck here all day.”

“I’ll do my best not to distract you.” 

“You’ve got a high opinion of yourself mate.”

“I do look in the mirror every morning, so I’ve got a reason to have it.” 

Aaron snorted with laughter again, the sound music to Robert’s ears. “Yeah, alright.”

Robert grinned, watching as Aaron set about working on the engine again. He couldn’t help but be transfixed by the focus on Aaron’s face, the intensity of his facial expression, the way his muscles rippled underneath his long sleeved t-shirt as he worked. 

God, Robert was _painfully_ attracted to him. 

Before he could try his arm again, a bright voice called across the forecourt. A man who Robert assumed was Andrew Smith greeted him, making a bright joke about Aaron’s hospitality skills before dragging Robert into the office, talking a mile a minute.

The interview passed quickly, Andrew keeping him occupied with stories and funny comments for well over an hour before Robert made his excuses to leave, disappointed to find the forecourt empty.

He couldn’t get Aaron off his mind. 

Robert headed back to the office after the interview with Andrew, and sat at his desk until the clock ticked over to five, pretending to write it up, all the while stalking the Smith Motors Facebook page in an attempt to track down Aaron.

He seemed to not have a Facebook page, or maybe Robert wasn’t looking hard enough (investigative journalism had never been his strong point, really) but whatever the reason, Robert went home with the dark haired mechanic on his mind and a burning desire to see him again.

A burning desire that made him take one of the cameras lying around the office the next afternoon, making his excuses to go back and take a few photos of the garage - _“It’s worth a two page spread, Louise - a feel good story in the middle of Brexit? People will love it!”_

Louise had let him go on the condition that he’d shut up about politics and stop being a pain in her arse, and Robert had taken it as a win. 

“You’ve still not managed to fix that car then?” Robert called, walking onto the forecourt of the garage.

Aaron looked up, flashing him a grin. “You still not managed to write that story of yours?”

“I suffer from chronic writers block.” Robert shrugged, holding up the camera. “I’ve been sent to take a few pictures.”

“You a photographer and all now?” 

“Nah, we just can’t afford to have a proper one. Haven’t you heard, print media is dead?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. He was wearing a tight black t-shirt under his overalls today, the sleeves knotted at his waist, leaving his broad shoulders and toned arms on display.

He was gorgeous.

“Andrew is in the office.” Aaron jerked his head toward the office. “If you want to take some photos.”

“What, you not fancying being my model for the day?” 

“Give over, do I look like the sort?”

“I don’t know, I think you’ve got the face for it.” Robert smirked, making to hold up the camera.

“You’re not giving up, are you?”

“Nope.” Robert shook his head, admiring the bright smile on Aaron’s face as he looked at him. “Unless you agree to go for a drink with me, of course.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow, pausing his work on the car. “What makes you think I want to go for a drink with you?”  


“I’m sauve.” Robert grinned. 

“You’ve got a high opinion of yourself, haven’t ya?” Aaron’s face was serious, but there was a glint in his eye that spurred Robert on. 

“It’s well deserved.” Robert joked. “Come on, one drink. I’ll even buy.”

Aaron seemed to think for a second. “Throw in some grub and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Robert couldn’t help but beam as Aaron agreed to a pint (and dinner, he hadn’t even thought to chance his arm with dinner!) “What time are you finished at?”  


“About six.” Aaron looked at his watch. “I can meet you at eight? Crown and Kettle sound good to ya?”

“Sounds like a date.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Go on, get out of my face or I’ll never be finished this car.”

Robert nodded, turning toward the small office, needing to at least pretend to be there for work purposes. “See you tonight.”

 

 

 

**(so i’m going to start over tonight, beginning with you and i)**

Robert’s eyes sought out Aaron as he approached the pub, recognising him immediately. He’d changed out of his scruffy work overalls and heavy boots, wearing a pair of black jeans, and sleek black sneakers, a hoodie chucked on over his t-shirt.

He was gorgeous, and Robert couldn’t help the smile on his face as he came to a stop in front of him. “Hiya.”

“Hiya.” Aaron replied, jerking his head toward the door. “I’m starving.”

“Me too, barely got out of the office at seven.” Robert said, following Aaron into the busy pub. 

“A busy news day for the Gazette then?” Aaron joked, sliding into a free booth in the back corner of the pub.

“More like a my boss doesn’t like me very much day.” Robert shrugged off his leather jacket, glancing at the menu in front of him. “Or any day, actually, if we’re being honest.”

“Should I take that as a warning to run while I have a chance?” 

“Nah.” Robert fidgeted with the menu, glancing at Aaron. “I don’t want to be a reporter, not really. I want to be a writer, and I guess my head’s in that a lot of the time, instead of on work. I dunno.”

Aaron gave a slight nod. “It’s not like working for Smithy is my dream.”

“What is? Your dream, I mean.”

“I don’t know if I have one. I’d like to be my own boss though, run my own business.” Aaron admitted, looking around the pub. “Be able to skive off when I want to.”

Robert grinned. “Thats the dream, innit? Being able to stay in bed all morning, not have to go to work.”

“Midday starts are the dream.”

“Hiya, you two ready to order?”

Robert looked up as a waitress arrived, giving them both a bright smile. “Yeah, I’ll have the fish and chips please.”

“Can I’ve the burger, please? And a pint of lager.” 

“I’ll have a pint as well please.” Robert added, the two of them sitting in silence as the waitress collected their menus, leaving them to their own devices again. “So, you lived in Manchester long?”

Aaron shook his head. “A couple of years. You?”

“I went to uni in Edinburgh, stayed there for a while before I fancied a change.” Robert said, fiddling with a beer mat. “My dad died,” He admitted. “I moved back to be closer to home.”

“Sorry to hear it.”

“It was a long time ago.” Robert faked a smile. “What made you move to Manchester then?”  
  
“Leeds was too small for my liking.” Aaron joked. “I lived in France for a while, with my ex. Figured a change of scenery would be good, and Manchester felt a bit exciting.”

“It’s not a bad spot, is it? Plenty of good pubs and restaurants.”

“Everyones priority in life, right?”

“Give a man a pint and a decent feed, and he’ll be happy for life.” Robert quipped. “Not that I’m probably getting too old for the Manchester nightlife these days.”

“How old are ya?”

“Thirty in a couple of weeks.” Robert grimaced. 

“You’re well over the hill then mate, aren’t ya?”

“Oi! How old are you then?”  


“Twenty-five.” Aaron said, nodding his thanks at the waitress as she brought over their pints. “Only just though, so you’re a good five years older than me.”

“Just call me a cradle-snatcher than.” Robert laughed, taking a sip of his pint. After the day he’d put down, the cool liquid was a welcome feeling, Robert instantly relaxing as he drank.

Aaron laughed, properly laughed. “You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot that you agreed to have dinner with, so who’s the real loser here?"

“Mm, you, because you’re paying for this.” 

“Oh I am, am I?"

“Yup. I’m a broke mechanic, so it’s the decent thing to be doing.” Aaron said, his eyes lighting up as their food arrived. 

Robert was content to just watch him as they ate, only tearing his gaze away when he started to feel a bit creepy. He was never normally so attracted to someone like this, from the moment he saw them, but something about Aaron was so interesting, so captivating.

He wanted to stay with him for the rest of the night, and all they’d done is have a pint and a handful of chips.

“Is it good?” Robert asked, laughing as Aaron looked up from the burger he was stuffing in his mouth.

“Really good.” Aaron mumbled through a mouthful of food, a light pink flush on his cheeks. “Sorry. ‘M just really hungry.”

“At least I know you eat, I was seeing a girl for a couple of weeks and she told me before we broke up that she used to go home after our dates and eat a proper dinner - didn’t want to eat in front of me.” Robert rolled his eyes, thinking back to the brief and generally very nice relationship he’d had with Ellie the previous summer.

“Girl?”

“Yeah.” Robert wasn’t sure what Aaron was hinting at. “Oh, I’m bisexual.” He shrugged, realising Aaron was confused about his intentions.

“Sorry, thought you were leading me on or summat.”

“I’m definitely not leading you on.” Robert said, knowing he was giving Aaron his well practised “I want you gaze”, one he’d perfected over years of flitting in and out of casual relationships.

Aaron swallowed a mouthful of burger, returning the gaze hesitantly. “Right.”

Robert ducked his head, focusing on the half finished dinner on his plate. He wasn’t good at not coming on too strong, but that was generally because he was trying to get someone into bed without having to go through the whole dinner and date process first.

He wasn’t much of a hopeless romantic these days, despite what the old notebooks of half scribbled notes and stories from when he was younger would imply. 

“Favourite football team?”

“More of a rugby fan, if I’m honest.” Robert admitted. “We were always a Leeds United house though, if that means anything to ya.”

“Nah, Liverpool fan all the way, me.”

“Football hooligan then?”

“At least you’ve got fair warning of it.” Aaron took a swig of his pint, licking away some of the foam that ended up on his top lip. “So rugby then?”

“Course, went to university in Edinburgh - Scotland is rugby country.” Robert grinned. “I’m not much of a sports fan, if I’m honest. I’ve always liked books more. And movies, I love movies.”

“Books I dunno about, but movies I can do.” Aaron said. “Love a good action movie, me. The more explosions the better.”

“So I won’t be convincing you to marathon Star Trek any time soon?”  


“Mate, you won’t be getting a second date if you mention Star Trek again.” Aaron snorted. “You want another pint? I’m gasping.”

Robert nodded. “Yeah, ta.”

It was well after half one when they finally stumbled out of the pub, on the drunker side of tipsy, an alcohol induced flush to Aaron’s cheeks that made Robert’s stomach flip. He couldn’t take his eyes off Aaron as they stood outside the pub, Aaron’s hands stuffed deep in his pockets, his eyes wide as he rocked on his heels, the two of them swaying gently, the busy street around them seeming to fade away as they stood together.

“There’s a late bar, around the corner. If you fancy it.” Aaron offered, nodding to the left. “I’ve not got work in the morning.”

Robert did. 

But he didn’t care.

“A late bar sounds great.” Robert nodded, letting Aaron lead the way. “I’m not too old to be seen with at a nightclub then, eh?”

“I’m just doing my civic duty, taking a granddad out clubbing.” Aaron rolled his eyes, shoving Robert toward the brightly lit nightclub. “I know the bouncer, but don’t make a tit of yourself, eh? I’d rather not get barred from my favourite club.”

“This is your favourite club?” Robert raised an eyebrow at the florescent lights and thumping music. It didn’t seem like Aaron’s style, if he was honest.

“It’s the cheapest drink in Manchester, and it’s always full of good-looking lads to take home.” Aaron smirked, nodding to the bouncer as they stepped inside the nightclub, the music instantly deafening.

Robert let Aaron lead him to the bar, watching as Aaron leaned over the counter, shouting to the barman. He obviously knew him, and Robert was happy to take a few minutes to admire the curve of Aaron’s body as he leaned on the bar, a bright smile on his face.

A few minutes later, Aaron thrust a beer into Robert’s hand, jerking his head toward a free table at the corner of the dance-floor. “What, you not going to start dancing, get your top off?” Robert teased, his mouth close to Aaron’s ear as he spoke.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Because that’s what all gay men do, innit?"

“I wouldn’t object to getting ya out onto that dance-floor.” Robert shrugged, sitting close to Aaron, close enough that every inch of their legs were touching, Robert practically overheating as they pressed impossibly closer together, the bar busy and space at a minimum.

“I don’t dance.”

“Why are we here then?” Robert asked, studying Aaron’s face. He was close enough to see every detail now, the bright blue of his eyes, the way his nose seemed to scrunch up as he spoke. 

“Wanted to see if it was going to be worth my while going home with you.” Aaron said, his breath ghosting against Robert’s jawline as he spoke, leaning in so close his lips were practically touching Robert’s.

Robert didn’t say anything, just watching Aaron instead. Watching, and waiting to see what he would do - he wasn’t sure why he was letting Aaron take the lead, if he was honest. Robert had always liked to be in control, but something about the man sitting next to him was intoxicating, and he was curious as to what would happen if he just _waited_.

Aaron’s gaze was almost uncomfortable as he looked at Robert, his gaze flickering from his lips, to Robert’s eyes, back to his lips again. Robert’s stomach dropped as Aaron leaned in those final few inches, pressing their lips together.

Kissing Aaron was an assault on the senses from the first second. It was loud, and noisy in the nightclub, and Robert felt uncomfortably warm as they kissed, the heat from the packed dance-floor distracting.

Distracting until he felt Aaron’s tongue brush against his lips, the younger man resting a hand on Robert’s thigh.

That’s when Robert took control, needing to be back in control to feel comfortable. Being out and proud was a relatively new concept for him, and snogging a guy in the middle of a nightclub was strange.

Not bad strange, just strange.

Robert cupped the back of Aaron’s head with one of his hands, his other hand snaking under the worn material of Aaron’s hoodie, his fingers splayed flat against Aaron’s t-shirt.

He felt Aaron melt into the embrace, and Robert smirked against Aaron’s lips slightly before he was drawn back into the messy kiss, teeth clashing and a bead of sweat from Aaron’s forehead dripping onto his upper lip, the downside to the overly warm nightclub.

They didn’t break apart until Robert ran a hand through Aaron’s hair, the hair gel he’d been wearing so much of not holding up against the heat of the nightclub very well. His hair was soft under Robert’s fingertips, curls wrapping themselves around Robert’s fingers.

“Any good?” Robert murmured, half serious, half not as he studied Aaron’s face, trying to gauge his reaction.

Aaron took a second to catch on before he replied, a grin on his face. “S’pose you’ll do.”

“I’m going to rock your world, mate.” Robert promised, dragging Aaron out of his seat, pulling him toward the door. They’d barely been in the nightclub ten minutes, but it felt like ten minutes too long as he felt the heat of Aaron’s body against his own as they jumped into a taxi, Robert rattling off his address.

Aaron pressed his face to Robert’s jacket, speaking so quietly Robert barely heard him. “You better live close.”

“Five minutes.” Robert reassured.

It felt like he’d known Aaron for so much longer than just two days, that they’d spent more time together than just those few hours in the pub. Robert felt like he’d known Aaron for years, and he pushed the thought out of his head as he shoved a twenty at the taxi driver, pulling Aaron out of the car.

He barely had the sense to get his keys out of his pocket, unlocking the front door of his apartment building before he grabbed Aaron by the strings of his hoodie, kissing him furiously.

Aaron groaned against his lips. “Your flat.”

“What?”

“Your flat, Robert. Where is it?” Aaron was breathless. “I’m not shagging you here.”

Robert snorted, his forehead pressed against Aaron’s. “I don’t think my neighbours would appreciate it.”

Aaron responded with a laugh, waiting for Robert to direct him to the flat. Hitting the button for the lift, Robert was practically vibrating with excitement as they stepped inside, catching sight of himself in the mirror.

His hair was askew, his lips red and throughly kissed. Robert looked more carefree and happy than he’d felt in what felt like months, glancing at Aaron, who was in a similar state.

God, he **wanted** him.

Aaron’s dark curls were falling flat against his forehead, his cheeks red as he nervously tugged on the cuffs of his sleeves, standing close to Robert as the lift made it’s ascent to sixth floor.

Aaron was stupidly gorgeous, and it was taking every sensible part of Robert’s brain to stop him from just hitting the emergency stop button and having hims here, and then.

Robert had barely gotten the door to his flat open when he slammed Aaron against a wall, pressing kisses to the underside of Aaron’s jaw, smirking as Aaron’s arms snaked around his neck, keeping him close as Robert mouthed kisses against Aaron’s neck, his teeth grazing against the skin of his collarbone.

“Where’s your room?” Aaron asked.

Robert shook his head. “I can’t wait that long,” He admitted, already undoing Aaron’s belt, popping the button on his jeans.

“What are you doing?”

Robert dropped to his knees with a grin. “I’m going to rock your world, mate.”

 

 

**(no one ever fell in love gracefully)**

_day one_  
****

Robert woke up to an empty bed, an empty flat, and absolutely no trace of Aaron. Raising an eyebrow at the sudden absence, Robert didn’t have much time to dwell on it as he caught sight of the time.

He had twenty minutes until he had to be at work.

“Shit. _Fuck_.” Robert scrambled out of bed, bolting for his shower. He could smell the beer off himself as he waited for the spray to heat up, his body deliciously relaxed and his head pounding.

He might have had the best sex of his life the previous night, but the hangover was relentless, his head swimming as he scrambled around his flat, throwing on some vaguely clean clothes, grabbing his work bag.

Robert winced at the time as he arrived at the office, knowing he was already late for the staff meeting.

“Robert, nice of you to finally join us. What’s your excuse today?” Louise asked, snarky and very clearly annoyed.

Robert slid into a free seat, already regretting his choice to not have breakfast. “I overslept, sorry.”

“Is that why you look so hungover?” Louise rolled her eyes. “You know what Robert, save it. We’ve got more important things to discuss - as you’re all aware, the paper has been struggling for a while now. Our focus on local community news has helped, but we need to put more of an emphasis on our online presence…”

Robert tuned Louise out as she went through their new online strategy, knowing she’d circulate her plans around the office before eleven o’clock hit. Instead, his mind went to Aaron, to the previous night.

The sex had been great, but Robert had been surprised at how easy it had all been afterward. That was always the strange part of being with someone new, the post-sex cuddle (or the lack thereof, more often that not.)

Not with Aaron, though.

They’d laid in Robert’s bed, slipping into easy conversation until Aaron had pounced on him for round three, falling asleep tangled up in each other. It had felt normal, and easy, and Robert couldn’t help the smile on his face as he thought about the mechanic.

It was the first time in a long time that Robert wanted more than just one night with someone, and it felt **good**.

“I’m still annoyed with you, but I’m curious - you’ve got your I just got laid face on.” Louise nudged, gathering up her files from the table. “Who is the poor girl?”  


“ **He’s** none of your business.” Robert grinned. “I’ll let you know if it gets more serious.”

“You, serious about someone?” Louise snorted. “You’re forgetting how you got this job, Robert. Your former sister-in-law had to beg me to take you on, because you were penniless and crying.”

“Penniless yes, crying no. Anyway, you love me Lou, I brighten up your life.”

“You’re a pain in my arse, Robert.” Louise sighed. “Go do some work, and brush your teeth please.”

Robert grinned, heading for his desk. Without bothering to so much as turn on his computer, he slumped in his chair, pulling up Aaron’s number. They swapped numbers somewhere between round two and three, Robert making sure he made fun of Aaron’s shitty Nokia before he added his number in under ‘best sex of your life.’

He was nothing if not confident.

It went straight to voicemail, but Robert wasn’t bothered as he left a message. “Hey, it’s me. Robert. I uh - you were gone when I woke up this morning, but I just wanted to say I had a lot of fun last night, and I’d like to see ya again. Give me a call.”

 

_day eight_

Robert wasn’t lovesick. 

Everyone else might argue that point, but he wasn’t, he definitely wasn’t.

He was offended. 

Thats what he was.

Robert was offended that Aaron hadn’t called him back. It’s not like he’d called him on an hourly basis, he’d only left one voicemail, and text Aaron twice to see if he was alright.

But he hadn’t gotten so much as a thumbs up in reply, and it was driving insane.

Their night together had been one of the best dates Robert had ever been on (if not the best) and Robert knew it hadn't been one-sided, so he couldn’t figure out the whole dropping off the face of the planet act Aaron was pulling.

Sighing, Robert grabbed his phone from his pocket as he walked along the road toward his flat. One more phonecall couldn’t do any harm, could it?

“Hiya.” Robert greeted Aaron’s voicemail. “I’m not trying to be the crazy one night stand here, but - I guess I just wanted to say that I like you. I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I figured you felt the same. If I’ve got that wrong, I’m sorry. If I’m right.. Well, you know where I am.”

“I do.”

Robert looked up to see Aaron sitting on the footpath outside his flat building, a black hoodie pulled down over his hands, a neutral expression on his face. “Hiya.” He greeted, unsure of what to say.

“You just finished work?” Aaron asked, getting to his feet. 

“I thought we had a good time the other night.” Robert decided to be straight about it. 

“We did.” Aaron agreed, pulling at the sleeves of his jumper.

“Then why the radio silence?” 

“It felt like a lot.” Aaron admitted, his gaze on the floor. “It felt like a lot for a first date.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Robert asked. “I thought it felt right.”

“It did.” Aaron sighed. “Which is what freaked me out.”

“You could have told me that.” 

“I feel like I could tell you anything.” Aaron said quietly. “And that scares me, Robert. We barely know each other.”

Robert let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, I know.”

“You do?”

“I haven’t felt the way I did with you that night in a long time, and it was scary, but it’s not like it has to be a bad thing.” 

“I’m not ready for serious.” Aaron shook his head. 

“Neither am I.” Robert replied, twisting his keys in his hand. “It’s not like it has to be serious. Maybe that night was a fluke.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “A fluke?”  
  
“Maybe we’ll actually be really shit together.” Robert grinned. “You never know.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright.”

“I’m serious! I think we need to go out again to test the theory.” Robert looked at his watch. “I haven’t had dinner yet, and there’s a great Indian takeaway around the corner. No pressure.”

“I could eat.” Aaron admitted. “No pressure though.”

Robert couldn’t hide the smile on his face. “D’you like onion bhajis?"

Aaron wrinkled his nose. “I like curry.”

 

 

**(new love is grand. savour all the crazy, muddled might of it)**

Robert woke to Aaron’s hair in his nose, the younger man snoring into Robert’s pillow. At some point during the night they’d gravitated together, the two of them curled up on the right side of the bed.

He couldn’t help but grin, brushing a hand through Aaron’s hair.

“G’way.” Aaron swatted at his hand, his eyes still tightly shut.

“Surprised you're still here.”

Aaron’s eyes flew open. “Shut up."

“I’m kidding.” Robert laughed, his hand stilling in Aaron’s hair. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Mm.” Aaron gave a noncommittal shrug, stretching out across the bed. 

“You don’t have to stay, if you don’t want to.” Robert offered, curling up on his side, watching as Aaron rolled onto his back. 

“I want to stay.” Aaron said softly, his gaze on the ceiling.

“Yeah?” 

They’d joked, the previous night, that it had all been a fluke - but an hour into their evening, they both knew that was a blatant lie. They were completely at ease with each other, curled up on Robert’s couch eating Indian takeaway, some shitty action movie playing in the background.

“Yeah.” Aaron confirmed, clearly thinking. “Could be worth giving us a go.”

“I’d like that.” 

Aaron looked at him. “I’m not saying I’ll fall in love with you or owt, but you’re alright, I s’pose.”

Robert laughed, moving so he was able to press his lips to Aaron’s, a slow, languid kiss, the hurry and the passion of last night gone. “High praise, Mr Dingle.”

Aaron relaxed against his body, content. “It’s all you’re getting.”

 

 

 

**(morning not only forgives, it forgets)**

It was easy, being with Aaron. After a couple of weeks of seeing each other, that was the most surprising thing to Robert - they’d fallen into a comfortable routine from the get go, falling into what felt like a natural relationship.

No awkward dates, or days of not texting back. They talked a lot, and Aaron stayed at his a couple of nights a week (whether that was planned or not) and Robert had even cooked for him a few times, and it was good.

It felt like it could be something good.

For the first time in a long time, Robert was out of his own head, not daydreaming his life away, dreaming of the book he'd spend years trying to write, spending hours in front of a blank computer screen, wondering when exactly he'd lost every bit of inspiration he'd ever had.

It was good. 

The one thing that was strange was Aaron’s insistence on leaving his t-shirt on. He never explained why, and Robert hadn’t pushed, not at the beginning.

But tonight it was irritating him.

As soon as Robert had grabbed the hem of Aaron’s shirt, Aaron had clamped his hands down, shaking his head. 

“No.”

“Aaron, come on.” Robert couldn’t help but be frustrated, sitting back on his heels. “What’s the big deal?”

Aaron’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to take it off.” 

“ _Why_?”

“Because I don’t want to Robert, can you just leave it?” Aaron snapped, pushing Robert back, getting out of bed. 

“Aaron, don’t be like this.”

Aaron ignored him, grabbing his jeans and jumper from the floor where they’d been tossed aside. Robert watched him get dressed, Aaron’s face like thunder as he searched for his shoes and socks.

Robert couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal for Aaron. He wasn’t exactly shy, Aaron, not about sex, or what he wanted, or what he needed, so Robert was absolutely baffled by his refusal to take his t-shirt off. 

“Aaron, come on, let’s just forget about this and go back to bed.” Robert said, following Aaron out into the living room.

“Go fuck yourself, Robert.” Aaron responded, slamming out of the flat, leaving Robert in a deathly silent living room, alone.

Robert ran a hand through his hair, catching sight of Aaron’s keys, _and_ phone, _and_ his wallet on the counter. He lived alone, as far as Robert knew, so where the hell was he planning on going at one in the morning?

Sighing, Robert padded back toward his bedroom, grabbing a pair of jeans and a jumper from his desk chair. Aaron couldn’t have gone far, not without money, or keys - right?

He didn’t want to get overly worried just yet.

Shrugging on a jacket, Robert grabbed his keys and wallet, heading out the front door. It was cold, as he walked along the street, trying to think where Aaron could have gone.

Robert lived in Manchester city centre, so Aaron could have gone bloody anywhere, could he?

Spotting the 24-hour McDonalds at the end of the road, Robert figured it was worth a try. It was quiet as he stepped inside, the usual post night out rush not filling it up just yet. 

Aaron was standing near the counter, his arms crossed over his chest and a grumpy look on his face.

“Hi.” 

Aaron looked over his shoulder, rolling his eyes. “I wanted to be on my own.”  
  
“Tough.” Robert replied. “You left your keys and wallet at mine.”

“Figured I’d get a cheeseburger.”Aaron sighed. “Didn’t think it through.”

“I could go for food.” Robert shrugged, heading for the counter. “Hi. Could I get a large Big Mac meal, please? With Coke?”

Aaron was quiet for a second. “Can I have the same please? And a McFlurry.”

Robert paid, and they stood at the counter waiting for their food, Aaron keeping his distance. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Can we not do this?” Aaron said, glancing at the staff milling behind the counter.

Robert nodded, not wanting to put his foot in it again just yet. He took the tray from the server with a grateful smile, heading straight for a quiet corner, not bothering to check if Aaron was following him.

He picked up the burger as soon as he sat down, watching Aaron carefully. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Aaron’s focus on the food in front of him.

“I used to self harm.”

Robert couldn’t help the shocked look on his face. 

“See? This is why I didn’t want you to know.” Aaron slammed his drink down on the table. “You think I’m a complete basket-case now, don’t ya?”

“No. I just wasn't expecting you to say that.” Robert said firmly. “Thanks for telling me.”

“I’m not going to tell you why. Not yet.” Aaron said, his fingers tapping the table nervously. “But I wear the t-shirt to cover up my self harm scars. You can know that much.”

“I didn’t mean to push.” Robert offered.

“I know. Just, don’t do it again, yeah? There’s some stuff I’m not ready for you to know yet.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Everyone’s got their shit.” Robert shrugged, polishing off the last of his burger. “McDonalds was a good call.”

Aaron looked relieved at the subject change. “Surprised you like it.”

“Whats that supposed to mean?”  


“You turned your nose up at my off brand cornflakes.” Aaron smirked, thinking of the one night Robert had spent at his. “Posh twat.”   
“Your posh twat though.” Robert grinned, dunking one of his chips into Aaron’s ice-cream.

“Thats disgusting.” 

“It’s the only way to eat McDonalds chips, I think you’ll find.”

Aaron laughed. “God, you are so weird.”

“You’re the one sleeping with me.”

“Just sleeping with you?”

“What, we’re going to have the define the relationship chat in McDonalds, are we?”

Aaron shrugged, the only indication he was being genuine, that he was worried about what Robert would say. 

“I’d like to be your boyfriend.” Robert offered, the word sounding strange on his lips. “If you’d like.”

“You ever had a boyfriend before?”

“No.” Robert replied honestly. “I’ve never really done the whole relationship thing with a guy before.”

“Okay.”

“Okay to me being your boyfriend?”

Aaron shrugged, trying to hide his grin as he spooned his half melted McFlurry into his mouth, Robert looking at him fondly as a glob of ice-cream got caught in his beard, Aaron’s tongue darting out to wipe it away quickly.

“You’re such a windup.” Robert rolled his eyes. “Can we go home now?”

“Yeah, alright.” Aaron picked up their tray, depositing it on top of the bin before he headed for the door. Robert caught up with him quickly, bumping their shoulders together as they made the short walk back to Robert’s flat. 

“I am sorry, you know.” Robert said, unlocking the door. “I don’t want to ruin this. It’s a good thing, right? Me and you?”

“It’s a good thing.” Aaron confirmed, his expression softening, the stiffness in his shoulders easing. He kissed Robert softly, holding tightly to Robert’s leather jacket. 

It was definitely a good thing.

Things felt different as they undressed each other for the second time that night, Aaron’s touches softer, more gentle, his fingers grazing along Robert’s arms, his waist, making goosebumps erupt across his skin.

He’d pretend it was the cold, but it was Aaron. It was all Aaron.

Robert didn’t even try and tug Aaron’s shirt off, so he was surprised when Aaron reached for it himself. “You don’t have to.”

“I know.” Aaron replied, hesitating for a second before pulling the t-shirt over his head, letting it drop to the floor

Robert was transfixed by the first glimpse of Aaron, completely naked save for his boxers. His stomach was covered by old, mostly healed scars, long and short, some clearly more recent than others.

Sensing Aaron’s discomfort, Robert tore his gaze away from the mess of scars. “You’re gorgeous.” He reassured, watching as Aaron’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Shut up.”

“I mean it.” Robert pulled him close, bare skin heated as they collided. Running his hands up and down Aaron’s arms, Robert nudged at Aaron’s chin, forcing the younger man to look at him properly.

“I don’t want you to pity me.” 

Robert read between the lines. Whatever had happened to Aaron, it was bad enough to warrant pity. “I don’t pity you.” He replied, his hands dropping to Aaron’s stomach, running over the scarred skin.

“Everyone else does.”

“I’m not everyone else, am I?” Robert shrugged. “They’re part of you. Doesn’t matter.”

“You really think that?” 

Robert nodded. “We’ve all got scars, right? Yours are just more obvious. Doesn’t mean I want you any less.” 

As if to prove his point, Robert let his hands wander further, dipping into the waistband of Aaron’s boxers, kneading the skin at his hips, not giving Aaron what he wanted just yet. 

“Don’t you want to know why?”

“You’ll tell me when you’re ready. Or you won’t, it doesn’t really matter either way.” Robert cupped Aaron’s face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to Aaron’s lips. “Okay?”

Aaron nodded, reaching for Robert for the first time since he’d taken his t-shirt off, his hands cold against Robert’s bare stomach. “Okay.”

 

 

**(the hallmark of insecurity is bravado)**

“What’s got you in such a mood?” Aaron raised an eyebrow, watching as Robert furiously banged pots and pans, pretending as though he was cooking. They’d been together for two months now (a month if you were counting from their conversation in McDonalds) and it had been pretty easy going.

Until Victoria had called.

Robert did love his little sister, but she, and Andy, and his entire life back in Emmerdale was too real a reminder that his dad would never have approved of this, Robert shacking up with a man, giving up on writing (because since Aaron, he hadn’t written a single word, and he didn’t care to, either.)

“I can go home, if you’re just going to ignore me.”

Robert paused, frying pan in hand. “I’m sorry.”

“S’ok. Just, talk to me.” Aaron nudged, taking a sip of his cup of tea. He’d only arrived at Robert’s, coming straight from work, a smudge of oil on his cheek. 

“My little sister, Vic.” Robert sat down at the kitchen table across from Aaron, wondering where to start. “She wants to come visit. I haven’t seen her since Christmas, says she misses me.”

“And thats a bad thing?”

“I…” Robert paused. “You know who my dad is, right?”

Aaron nodded. “Jack Sugden, right? You’ve got all his books.” He jerked his head toward Robert’s overflowing bookcase.

“Yorkshire’s favourite son.” Robert quipped. “He died, when I was twenty three. Fresh out of uni, completely directionless. He hated that, about me - I used to be so motivated, so determined to be something special.”

Aaron didn’t say anything, letting him speak.

“I thought I was a good writer, until I went to university.” Robert said, thinking back to his orientation day. “My dad’s books, they were on the recommended reading list for my modern English literature course. It didn’t take people long to put two and two together, and well - all of a sudden, I felt like I had a lot to live up to. That I had to be better than my dad.”

“I’m sure you’re a great writer, Robert.”

“Maybe I was.” Robert sighed. “But I let it all get to me, you know? I kind of gave up, and it annoyed my dad. A lot of things I did annoyed my dad.”

“You are a bit of a prat.” Aaron joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“He caught me with a lad in my room, once.” Robert admitted. “I was fifteen. It was the first time I’d let myself think I could be with a lad, y’know? I’d been confused about it for such a long time, and then I met Tom. He was brilliant - really funny, proper Yorkshire lad, helped out on the farm. I liked him, a lot.”

“Your dad didn’t approve?” 

Robert shook his head. “He didn’t want a son like me. He wanted a son like Andy, y’know? Andy’s my brother, adopted brother. He was everything my dad wanted in a kid, strong, determined - madly in love with a girl from the village, _normal_.”

Aaron gave him a sad smile. “You’re normal.”

“I didn’t think I was.” Robert blinked back furious tears. “Did I ever tell you about Chrissie?”  


Aaron shook his head. “Just that you broke up.”

“I met her, when I first moved to Manchester. She was brilliant, a real business woman - I wanted it to work with her, I really did. I thought she was everything my dad would have wanted for me.” Robert looked down at his hands, the place where the wedding ring would have been. “I tried to force a relationship when I knew it wouldn’t work. I even proposed to her, saved up for the ring for months. But I didn’t love her, not really - I had an affair. With a man. You can imagine how well that went down.”

“Spectacularly badly?” Aaron guessed.

“She set fire to my car.” Robert grimaced. “I published my first short story, just before we broke up.”

“You never said you published anything.”

“I wish I hadn’t.” Robert admitted. “Robert Sugden, son of renowned author Jack Sugden produces a tired, rehashed version of his father’s exceptional writing in his first publication.” He quoted. “I could probably recite every bad review that story got.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I was a disappointment because I couldn’t live up to my dad’s name, I couldn’t publish something worth reading.” Robert said. “And then I was a disappointment because I was a cheat, I couldn’t keep it in my pants long enough to settle down with someone like Chrissie. My step-mum couldn't get over it, couldn't understand why I’d throw someone like Chrissie away for an affair with her dad’s receptionist.”

“You can’t help who you fall for.”

“I didn’t even like him all that much.” Robert sighed, glancing at Aaron. “I guess I was still that directionless twenty three year old who’s dad had just died, underneath it all. I had a point to prove to a dead man, how sad is that? Anyway, I guess I’m telling you all this because Vic adores dad, still worships him, and being around her just reminds me of everything I’m not, reminds me that dad would have hated who I am now.”

“Do you like who you are?” 

Robert nodded. “I think I’m starting to.”

Aaron shrugged. “Then stuff what anyone else might think. You can’t let a dead man rule your life, Robert.”

“I know.”

“So don’t.” Aaron shuffled closer to him, a hand on Robert’s knee. “I think you’re amazing. Does that count?"

“It counts for a lot.” Robert admitted, covering Aaron’s hand with his own. “Thanks. For listening, I mean. I know I probably didn’t make much sense, but it’s all a mess in my head sometimes.”  


“I get it. You want to live up to people’s expectations of you, its fair enough - but maybe you should just let people see you for you. I like ya, well enough.”

Robert leaned in to kiss Aaron, a grateful smile on his face. “You’re brilliant, you know that?”

“Brilliant and starving.” Aaron said pointedly.

Robert laughed. “Alright, message received. Spaghetti do ya?”

 

 

**(have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more)**

“You know, you’ve never shown me your writing.” Aaron commented, making Robert look up from the book he was reading. “You’re always reading and that, but I’ve never see ya write, you’ve never let me see your writing."

Robert carefully marked his place in the book, shutting it so he could focus on Aaron, who was sprawled out on the bed next to him, looking at something on his phone. “Nothing to show, really. I can’t remember the last time I wrote a word.”

“Writers block then?” Aaron wrinkled his nose, clearly curious.  


“I feel like I haven’t got a good story to tell.” Robert admitted, finally feeling like he had words for what he’d felt for years now. “All the good ones have already been written.”

“Maybe we need to start doing some interesting things, then.” Aaron grinned, moving so he was straddling Robert’s waist, pushing Robert’s hands up over his head. 

“Can you take my glasses off before we do these interesting things?” Robert said, wriggling his hips, trying to get comfortable underneath Aaron. He was wearing his reading glasses, the black frames making him look ridiculous - or so he thought.

“Nah.” Aaron shook his head, a bright smile on his face. “I like your glasses.”

“That’s new.”

Aaron beamed. “I told ya we needed to do more interesting things.” 

Robert laughed, captivated by Aaron’s sunny smile and the feeling of his body pressed close to his. He couldn’t get used to being with Aaron, even weeks, _months_ , after they’d first gotten together.

It always felt as passionate, as messy, as absolutely brilliant as it had done the first time - better, even.

Like life could be anything except interesting with Aaron Dingle in his bed. 

The subject of his writing didn’t come up again for a couple of weeks, until Aaron dragged him to a go-karting track.

“What are we doing here?” Robert raised an eyebrow, unsure as to why Aaron had brought him go-karting on a busy Saturday afternoon. 

“I figured it was time we did something interesting.” Aaron shrugged. “Might inspire ya.”

“Since when were you so invested in my writing?”  


“I’m invested in you.” Aaron admitted, a soft flush rising in his cheeks. “I’m not - I’m not saying this to scare you off, Robert, but I like you, a lot. I don’t want this to be a casual thing.”

“I don’t think this was ever casual.” Robert admitted. “I’m falling in love with you, Aaron.”

Aaron’s breath hitched in his throat. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I don’t know how I feel, exactly.” Aaron said. “But you make me feel good. Better than I have in a really long time. That enough?”

“You’re enough.” Robert replied, leaning in to kiss Aaron briefly. “I’m going to smash you at go-karting though.”

“Mate, you’re taking on the go-karting master here.”

Robert wasn’t just falling in love with him, he decided as he watched Aaron slam a helmet on, excitedly getting behind the wheel of a go-kart.

No, it was more than that.

He knew what it was as soon as they’d finished up their session on the track, Aaron’s hair a mess from the helmet, his cheeks flushed with excitement and a bright smile on his face.

Robert loved him.

Robert loved him, and that night, when Aaron was sound asleep, snoring loudly enough to wake the dead, Robert picked up his laptop, and he wrote.

For the first time in years, he actually wrote something.

 

 

**(lock up your heart with a merciless padlock)**

“You’ve had your head stuck in that laptop for weeks.” Aaron commented, pressing a kiss to Robert’s shoulder as he entered the kitchen, dumping his coat on the kitchen chair.

“Hm? Oh, sorry, I was miles away.”

“You finally writing again then?”

Robert couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I am.” He nodded, looking at the word document in front of him. “Don’t take all the credit though.”

“I’d never.” Aaron grinned. “You fancy going out for dinner tonight? I could go for a few pints and a burger.”

“Sounds good.” Robert nodded. “I need to grab a shower first though.”

Aaron slumped down in one of the kitchen chairs, unlacing his work boots. “Me too. You go first though, I want a cup of tea.”

Robert pressed a kiss to Aaron’s sweaty hair, heading for the bathroom. He couldn’t help the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach as he showered, revelling in the feeling of the hot water against his skin.

Tonight, he’d decided, was the night he was going to ask Aaron to move in with him.

Maybe it was too soon, but Robert didn’t care. They’d been together for nearly six months now, and he couldn’t imagine ever not being with Aaron - he was madly, desperately in love with him, and he wanted to tell him, show him, make sure Aaron knew how much Robert wanted him.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Robert headed through to his bedroom, quickly dressing in his jeans and a maroon jumper he knew Aaron loved.

It wasn’t a crime to want to look good for his boyfriend.

“Aaron, shower’s all yours.” Robert called, drying his hair roughly as he reentered the kitchen, eyes widening as he noticed Aaron sitting at his laptop, looking angry. “What are you doing?”

“I wanted to read it.” Aaron said, looking up. “You left your laptop open, so I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“Aaron..”

“I am not your sob story, Robert. How dare you write about me like this? About things I trusted you with?” Aaron glanced at the computer screen, red in the face as he read through Robert’s newest project. 

“I’m not - it’s not about you, I swear.” Robert crossed the room quickly, his heart in his mouth.

“A self harming love interest that you save? I’m not your fucking pet project, you don't get to swoop in and save me from myself. That’s not how any of this fucking works, you prick.” Aaron shoved the chair back, furious.

“Maybe I was inspired a little by you, Aaron, but they say to write what you know, and you’re the best thing I know.” Robert tried to explain himself. “I love you, you know. I love you so much it kind of scares me, if I’m honest - but these past few months, with you, they’ve been brilliant. You inspire me, okay? But that story is not about you.”

“You barely know me. It’s over, Robert.” Aaron growled.

“Aaron, Aaron - please. Don’t go.” Robert grabbed his elbow, trying to stop Aaron from storming out.

“Unless you want me to rearrange your face, Robert, you’re going to get your hands off me, and you’re going to leave me the hell alone.”

“Aaron.”

“No. You don’t get to do this, you don’t get to use me as some plot line in your book.” Aaron shook his head. “I told you about my self harm because I love you. I was honest about it because I love you. So when you put this chapter in your book, make sure you write that you were the one who ruined our relationship, eh? Trying to prove a fucking point to your dead dad and your shitty family.”

“Aaron, please.” 

His words stung.

“Do one, Robert.” Aaron yanked open the front door. “And I mean it, leave me the hell alone, you weirdo.”

 

 

**(you are not a victim, you are a victor)**

It had been three weeks. Three weeks, and Robert was going insane.

He’d tried to give Aaron space, but he missed him. He missed him so much it was making him lose his mind, and God, Aaron had been right, it had been all his fault. He’d ruined the best thing that ever happened to him for the sake of a story.

“Aaron. I know you said to leave you alone, and I will, if thats what you want - but I, I want to see you one last time. I want to talk to you about this, and I know what I want doesn’t really come in to it, but.. If you’re willing, can we talk?” Robert said, talking to Aaron’s voicemail for the third time that week. “Please, Aaron.”

Slamming his phone down on the kitchen counter, Robert reached for a beer.

If Aaron wasn’t going to answer his phone, maybe he’d just get drunk instead. 

Before he could put the bottle to his lips however, his phone screen lit up. 

_I’m downstairs._

Aaron.

Aaron was there.

Robert would never admit it, but he half ran to his door, pressing the button that would let Aaron into the building.

Maybe this was it.

Maybe he’d get a chance to apologise, make it right.

Maybe it would be okay.

Robert opened the front door, and Aaron blew in like a hurricane, angry and pacing the room from the get go. “Aaron, I -“

“No, you need to shut up. Shut up because if you interrupt me, I’m never going to say what I need to say.” Aaron shook his head, Robert instantly going quiet. “I started self harming when I was fourteen. I started because my dad abused me growing up. It’s not that he punched me around the place, though he did do that - he r-raped me.”

The words hit Robert like a tonne of bricks, disgust rising in his stomach as the impact of Aaron’s words hit him. 

“It started when I was eight, after my mum left us, and it happened a lot more after that.” Aaron was pulling roughly at the skin around his fingers, clearly finding it hard to speak. “I can’t talk about it, I can’t tell you about it. What I can tell you is that I tried to kill myself four times before I even turned eighteen, and I spent six months in psychiatric care, trying to get my head in order, and when I got out I started self harming again, and I kept doing it until he got sent down.”

“Aaron -“

“I told you to shut up, Robert.” Aaron snapped. “You can’t write about me. You can’t write about anything that makes me feel like its about me, because if you do, every time I look at your book, I’m going to feel like your pity project.”

“It’s not like that, Aaron.”

“But thats how it feels, okay? Thats how it feels, and I can’t change that.” Aaron shook his head, rubbing roughly at his eyes. “I can’t do this if you’re going to keep writing that book, because all it’s ever going to do is remind me that I’m still that messed up kid who’s dad raped him to get him in line, and I can’t live like that.”

Robert didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.”

“Say you’ll get rid of it.” Aaron begged, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Please, Robert. Say you’ll get rid of it, because I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t have you reminding me of how messed up I am every time you say you’re writing your book.”

“I love you.” Robert said simply. “I love you, and you have made me feel more in the six months we’ve been together than I have in my entire life. I’ll get rid of it.”

“You will?” 

“Of course I will.” Robert crossed the room, pulling Aaron into a tight hug. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Aaron. I’m so sorry, I shouldn't have written that story in the first place - it was wrong.”

“Please don’t make me leave again.” Aaron said, his voice muffled by Robert’s jumper, his tears soaking through to Robert’s skin. “I don’t want to leave. I want to be with you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Aaron.” Robert held him close, cradling Aaron against his chest. “I’m so sorry. I’ll be better, I’ll be better for you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, never - I’ll delete that story and we can start over, okay?”

Aaron didn’t reply.

“Don’t leave. Don’t leave ever again, okay?” Robert pleaded. “I need you. I need you more than I need anything else.”

 

 

 

**(this is how galaxies collide)**

They’d talked a lot, after Aaron’s admission - about the good and the bad of their relationship, about the future, about how much they needed each other. It had been hard, to listen to Aaron talk about what he’d gone through with his so-called father, but the morning had brought a new day, and a new start, and the promise of something good.

And it was something good, they were something good.

It was Aaron who’d suggested the holiday surprisingly. A few days away from their lives, their problems, to relax and unwind, and if Robert had managed to find a last minute deal for a long weekend in Paris that perfectly coincided with his thirtieth birthday, well, he wasn’t going to complain.

Aaron had cracked a joke about Robert being a soppy romantic when he’d suggested Paris, but had agreed to it straight away.

It had been brilliant, being away together. They’d strolled through the winding streets of Montemarte, and discovered Aaron’s secret flair for French, and they’d drank wine and taken stupid pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower, and Aaron had patiently watched as Robert browsed every shelf in Shakespeare and Company, pretending to be excited about all the books Robert thrust at him.

All of it only made Robert love him more.

Robert loved Aaron the way they wrote in books. He loved him the way he’d once thought was impossible, the way old love stories had once made him believe. Loving Aaron was like loving a hurricane, loving something so powerful and destructive, someone who was so soft and kind underneath it all.

Loving Aaron was like coming home

It didn't matter where they were, what they were doing - loving Aaron was like coming home. Robert was still astounded by how easy it was to love Aaron, how simple it was to be with him, when they were honest with each other.

Loving Aaron was scary.

Scary because Robert knew he’d never be able to live without him, that his world would come crashing down if something where to ever tear them apart.

Loving Aaron was the best thing he’d ever done with his life, and it would always be the best thing he’d ever done with his life, and as Robert watched Aaron browse the souvenir shop, trying to pick out something horrifically tacky for his little sister, Robert had that moment.

You know the one they talk about in books, and movies, that moment when you just _knew_? The moment where everything made sense, where your whole world fell into place and you just _knew_?

Robert **knew**.

“Let’s get married. Not now, or even this year - but lets get married.”

If Aaron was surprised, he didn’t let on. “Why?”

Robert looked at him, sincere. “Because you’re all I’m ever going to need, Aaron.”

 

 

 

**(nothing good gets away)**

“I could write a book about us, you know.” Robert said, his fingers tangled in the curls at the back of Aaron’s neck, his hand warm against the back of his head. They were curled up in bed, the sheets pooled around them, and a match playing in the background.

Aaron snorted. “What would you even write about? We’re not that interesting.”

“Greatest love story this world has ever seen, me and you.” Robert grinned. “The _hopeless_ writer and the grumpy mechanic.”

“Oh, grumpy am I?”

“Yup. We fell in love against all odds, made a life for ourselves - a house, and a dog, and a whole shelf of my books to live off of.” 

“You really overestimate how good a writer you are.”

“What can I say, you inspire me.” Robert said, pausing to press a kiss to Aaron’s lips. “I’d write about our adventures. All the places we’ll visit, the fun we’re going to have. I’d write about our lazy Sunday mornings watching television, and about how much you _hate_ trying new food.”

“Sounds boring. I don’t think anyone would bother reading it.” Aaron smirked. “I wouldn’t.”

“I’d still think it was the greatest love story in the world, even if no-one read it.” Robert said. “It’d be the most important story I could ever tell. I’m in this for the long haul, Aaron - you know that, yeah?”

“Sussed that much when you married me.” 

“I didn’t feel like I had a single story to tell before I met you.” Robert admitted. 

“Soppy git.” 

“You love it.”

“Yeah,” Aaron gave him a soft smile, a smile so sincere it made Robert’s insides melt. “Suppose I do, really.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The greatest story I’ve ever told is mine and Aaron's, and it’ll never be a book, or a film, or anything other than **ours**. And that’s okay, because thats all I need. I’ll find the words to write that book someday, but not at the risk of losing the one good thing I’ve got (but don't tell Aaron that, he already thinks I'm enough of a soppy git.)_

 

**(there is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story)**

 

 

 

**fin**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was another one of those fics that started small and turned into a monster that's taken weeks to finish. inspired by a wikipedia reading binge over the christmas holidays where i discovered that jack sugden wrote a book.
> 
> the bracketed quotes through this entire fic are all by legitimate writers and taken from goodreads, so i claim no credit.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed! i'm robertsuggles over on tumblr if you fancy a chat.


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